i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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