billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
