A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
