I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
