Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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