i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
