i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
