do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She bit a glass in half.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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