I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
