So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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