how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
