dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
