Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
