You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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