he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
