If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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