Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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