I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
