I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize