i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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