oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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