Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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