how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
