please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
