I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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