Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
