If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
