its not stalking. its research.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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