we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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