fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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