Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
