I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
