You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
