Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I believe in your delicious
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My life is pants optional.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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