Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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