We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
