You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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