The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
