i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
