I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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