You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
