Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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