9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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