I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
