My liver just broke up with me...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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