Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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