You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
