Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
