It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
