Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
