the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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