They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
