i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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